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8 weeks + 5 days

So, here we are.. midway through week 8 and still frightened that things could go wrong at any moment. Baby measured a day or two behind again this week, so I'm not sure where I actually fall date-wise, but I'm just going full speed ahead that our dates are mid-October and leaving it at that.

The pattern with this pregnancy seems to go as follows:

• Have a few good days and start believing that things might be fine
• Start spotting and get worried
• Have an epic bleed & assume the worst is over
• Surprisingly find out baby is okay and go back to hoping
• Rinse & repeat

I'm currently at the spotting part of the cycle again, which means I'm anticipating another bleed in the next few days. 

I see the OB tomorrow.. so I really, really hope this bleed doesn't happen over the weekend again, as there's nothing that can be done if that happens.

I wish I could be more positive - every time we've seen the baby on ultrasound, it's growing and there isn't anything huge to be concerned about. But it's just so hard when the spotting and cramping feels like the worst is happening. That feeling of dread and terror is so, so real. 

Ah, we just want this wee one so badly. I will put up with all the fear and the pain and the unknown; I'd do it all again in a heartbeat - but I just want to bring them home safely and into our family. Everything will be worth it.

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